He crossed his arms and stretched out his legs before smirking and winking.
He knew he had me. He knew I was irritated.
But what are you going to do when you're in a circle of five chairs and four people.
"So if a girls wearing something inappropriate can i call her out on it?"
I shook my head like I could shake some common sense into our conversation. Instead I tried to form words that were calm and collected and didn't give any hint of how much I just wanted to boisterously tell him that this conversation was over.
I shook my head no and shrugged my shoulders and told him
"No, no you can't."
He wasn't put off.
"Why can't I?"
I wasn't put off either but my mind was running a hundred miles an hour. My law-oriented heart tugged back to the days when there were rules for how to dress. When clothes were long and loose fitting and there was a definite line but no one really could explain where the line was they could just tell you when you had lept over it in you skimpy, tempting, man-hating, pagan attire (usually the line was between semi cute and up-to-date attractive.)
Looking at him all I wanted to say was
"Why?! Why?! Because to have that conversation with a girl you're going to need to get her a ring and a mortgage and even at that point you might not want to talk to her until you can add giving her hope."
That's when I realized, it wasn't that his fundie roots were showing, it wasn't that my heart was being drawn back to the years spent in fear of the wrong kind of attention or shame when someone called you out for the pocket on the back of your knee length running shorts, it wasn't that I was equating modesty with ugly, these weren't the things bothering me about this conversation.
What bothered me was that there was no hope in his question, no hope in my response (both were well sarcasm saturated, but that's probably another issue.)
That's when I remembered summers ago the encouraging squeeze a salt and pepper haired man had given my shoulder when he looked at me and told me
“Give them hope"
All I could think then was
"That is definitely a man comment"
But I smiled and nodded, and opened the door and walked to the front to have a conversation with our high school girls about modesty.
"Has he ever walked out of store after store looking for a bathing suit that was cute, covering and not going to cost as much as a car payment? How about finding jeans that fit waist AND thighs? Or what about a cute summer dress that is long enough to be a dress and not just an over sized shirt?! And don't even get me started about the fact that there are places trying to sell me pants with no zipper… pants without zippers aren't pants their tights or leggings… or pajamas.”
Hope?
"Modesty is a sacrifice- one met with tears and hours of laborious shopping for little profit and a lot of cash."
It was all I could think as I stood and tried to form words about hope and modesty and fit them together.
"Give them hope"
Those
words tossed in my head again and again as I stood to converse with high school
girls about modesty.
Hope?
I
opened to words I had listened to just Wednesdays before.
Don't
skip or skim this part soak in each word... each soul food bite.
"to the elect exiles...chosen and foreknown by
God...consecrated (sanctified, made holy) by
the Spirit ...obedient to (the Messiah)...grace (spiritual
blessing)...peace...in increasing
abundance...His boundless mercy...we born again to an ever-living hope through
the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead...into an inheritance which is
beyond the reach of change and decay.. though now for a little while you may be
distressed by trials and suffer temptations (Why) So that [the
genuineness] of
your faith may be tested,
[your faith] more precious than the perishable gold. (What's the result of all of this?)Without having seen Him, you love Him; you believe in Him and
exult and thrill with inexpressible and glorious (triumphant, heavenly) joy." 1 Peter 1:1-8
Honestly,
the warring going on inside of me every summer has more to do with hope than
with a hem line.
The
battling that happens standing in front of the mirror has more to do with how
secure I believe my standing to be.
The
anger and frustration and fits that happen when I finally venture out for new
summer apparel have everything to do with where I find approval, where I'm
found approved.
See
here's the thing about modesty at the heart of it, it's about a heart that
hopes in gospel- in redemption and restoration, affection and attention.
Modesty
is a war but I think we've been losing this battle because we've decided to
make it about bikinis and beaches and the irresistibility of chocolate cake.
This
modesty thing is about hope because when my hope- as a woman- is in the fact
that my universe creating, God made man, husband chose me ( in the original
it's actually "hand picked out") my hem line is going to reflect that.
When
the elect choose a bathing suit it will be one suited for the battle. See I'll
value the purity Jesus has won for my brother and I'll suit up in a way that
wars with my Christian man friends not for him.
When
I'm honest that my gospel was attracting and capturing the attention and
affection of a man, of people, and that, that kind of gospel can't compare with
the real gospel that God freed my captured heart and daily attracts me with
attention and affection I could never have won, it changes the wearing and
shopping and dressing and thinking and walking I do.
See
this is the thing when I hope in the fact that I am secure and safe because he
has clothed me with his righteousness and holiness then I have this freedom to
loose attention and affection I tried, and still at times try, so desperately
to win.
When I
get up in the morning and realize that He has given me the oil of gladness, a
garment of praising instead of mourning, a shining crown instead of ashes, his
glory in place of despair this getting dressed thing becomes less about
impressing people and more about gospel informing people.
See
this modesty gospel I preached to myself summer after summer, it wasn't bad.
I've got four brothers and I cringe and beg God for their purity, their self
control, at times a super natural, momentary blindness. But this modesty gospel
it starts in the dressing room instead of how Jesus has redressed me.
It starts
with a hem line instead of declaring holiness won and now being won and worth
warring over.
It started with self righteousness and the desperation for self
respect.
And
you know what? The modesty gospel never really wins, because it starts at the
finish line and misses the race.
But
Jesus' gospel frees from paralyzing fear of getting this getting dressed thing
wrong, it gives humility to learn that my favorite cut off jean shorts aren't
appropriate any more, it's a freedom to trust that affection and attention won
for me, untouched and unseen, satisfies.
God
he's done this thing with woman. He's made her beautiful and in his image- for
reflecting his image. And, oh honey let me tell you, resting in this, preaching
this to self, it begins to cover insecurities that clothes tried to distract
from, it births and breeds a new kind if modesty that reflects the unchanging,
unmoving groom who for some mysterious reason has chosen to wed himself to a
bride that needed his death to live. That needs his constant affection and
attention to love. That needs reminder after reminder about this whole
perfecting restoration he is working. He talks to dad about us constantly, just
exactly what we need to be said, he lived, died, obeyed for our good and allows
us to make a big deal about him. He redeems us from other disgusting, lesser
lovers we cling to and settle for.
And when this God, in flesh, says not to war for
beauty and attention and affirmation that's physical and external but to put on
a beauty he's working that starts on the inside and practically takes the form
of a spirit that isn't at war for what the world offers, that covers skin as an
outworking of the internal security that isn't at war for what a man offers. I
think even here he's offering hope.
After
all what's hopeful about confident expectation that's won from my appearance
that daily is losing its beauty and charm, that fades and changes and let’s be
honest can't always hold its own when compared.
I'm
not advocating or admonishing bikinis or beaches or bare legs or covered
shoulders I'm just saying let's give up the modesty gospel that starts outside
of us and let's pick up, preach, put on the Jesus gospel that changes hearts
and secures eternities and is strong enough to war the wearing of culture
approved, self-indulgent dress.
And
lastly can I say I hate the chocolate cake illustration. To tell our girls and
woman that they are chocolate cake that men can't help but devour when forced
to look at for an extended period of time is to say that the spirit of God that
raised Jesus Christ from the dead is more powerful than death but not lust.
False. False my bold, caring, blogging sister. He is
strong enough to overcome ignorant exposure, insecure immodesty and full on
malicious sexual aggression. He is full of hope for maintaining the holiness
gifted to every man wearing the war ready armor of the warrior who fought and
conquered death, demons, disease and ever dominion claimed by demonic and evil
power. He is
hope for humble and transparent conversations and confessions in a sex
saturated culture and commercials and conversations and church pews and iphones
. Some dying might need to happen, actually it does need to happen, for purity
to live but do not hand Christian men a cop out in the form of trying to
illustrate how powerful the pull of lust is and visually wired men are.
Please,
as a sister to men, encourage with the redemption and restoration that is being
worked for them and in them by the one who has conquered even this deeply
ingrained pull.
See
God he has given man masculinity- the call to take responsibility and woman the
dignity in the form of modesty and hope to live up to and when we fall short of these two-
responsibility and dignity.
By
telling women men have responsibility it doesn't negate dignity and by
encouraging dignity it doesn't take away responsibility.
Jesus gave and
maintains both of these.
Hope
sisters, hope in the one who has commanded you to clothe yourself in love and
love your Christian brother by what you consciously, carefully clothe yourself
in this summer. Both physically and the gospel that you intentionally clothe
your mind with daily.
