My eyes flew open to a dark room and the kind of quiet that only happens late at night when the whole world feels asleep and you feel completely alone.
Without even thinking my mind scattered to a million different thoughts.
Overwhelmed by them all I asked Jesus just this once to hold my hand... Nothing.
"If you just tangibly hold my hand or my shoulder or something I won't tell. But I need it. I really, really need you to hold my hand right now or I am going to lose it"
Nothing.
I started to panic and my hands started to tingle and my chest started to heave heavy.
I walked to the kitchen,like I could walk away from fear and anxiety.
Like I could walk off the anger of his Spirit not growing a flesh and bone hand and holding mine.
And he was gentle and he reminded me;
"My hand doesn't just have your hand but your whole self. Because when I did put on flesh and blood, I pierced it right through. So you can see through the smoke screen of fear. So you can see that all fear is this lie that My love for you ends.
Because when I pierced My own hand and died I proclaimed that I love like no one else.
When I stayed on that tree I proved that my love sticks.
On the third day after waking up from death and unwrapping the grave's dress I didn't find the important, the impressive. I waited for the one society called insignificant. But I called her by name
'Mary'
She, the one who's name means bitter was the first to witness the bitter grasp of death dissolve for all the repentant.
And when you start to grasp how little you can control.
Control outcomes, or others, or tight budgets, or stretched relationships, or where your deliriously, tired mind automatically goes, remember; I came for you.
Yeah, sometimes you feel abandoned and forgotten and like the world's spinning too fast and the only way to really survive it all is to prepare for the worst of alls.
But I came so that the worst will never win.
So that you over come the outcome.
Not so you avoid what you're afraid of or anxious about.
But so when it all hits the fan or sleep hits the road or walls close in or your worst fears come true.You don't have to run scared because there on My hand are scars. Like a seal that you are always safe.
Always loved.
Always mine.
So, no, I won't reach out My hand and tangibly hold yours but I will hold your spot on the team, your place in the family. I hold you.
So the lie that is holding your attention, the lie that says that you're forgotten about or unloved or somehow this moment is being missed.
Tell that lie the three words I spoke that silence all anxiety
It. is. finished.
So when you're desperate for the tangible to dispel the terrible, the trembling, remember the table.
My body.
My blood.
In your hand.
So when you're desperate for someone to send fear running, for someone to throw down an end to it all.
When you're wrestling fear just listening for the final whistle; hear me say
It is finished. And you are held. "
