The one raised with hymns and AWANA and church twice on Sundays and once on Wednesday.
I'm that girl.
The one that uses phrases like "Deny your flesh to embrace the body."
Yup, that's me and I am her.
The one born and raised, stewed in Christian culture.
Fed daily doses of the Lord's prayer and tithes and offerings.
I can debate sanctification and passionately quote chapters of the bible.
But lately I want more.
I know it, I really do.
But I want more than this head knowledge and ankle lapping water waves.
I want to know.
I don't want irregular waves that crash my frame once in a while. I want to drown in the ocean, daily.
I want to be like Mary who sat at Jesus feet and knew his words but then took her alabaster jar into the house of her adversaries to anoint the feet of her advocate.
I want to be the man who knew about the treasure and then sold everything he had to buy the field pregnant with that very treasure.
I want to say with the Israelites that I, my belly, expands because of the food that comes from heaven.
I know peace but I want to know peace
like only a runner can know the cool of rain at the end of a long, hot run.
I know truth but I want to taste it
Like one knows the taste of chocolate ice cream.
I know joy but I want it to hydrate my heart daily like the well did for Hagar in the desert.
I know contentment but I want to know heart satisfaction only in the one who satisfied the wrath of God.
The song with the line "If grace is an ocean we're all sinking"
I've been thinking about it and I wonder;
What do you do when you're sinking into the water but the water of life isn't sinking into you?
I feel like I live in the deep, the promises of God strong and all around me.
On my bathroom mirror- The God of the universe is working my good for his name sake.
In my car- I was a slave to sin but now I am a first born son inheriting the best of it all.
On my breakfast table- He commands lightning, waves, store houses of hail.
In my words- When God bids a man he calls, come and die.
I feel like I'm in the ocean and I'm a fish breathing through a scuba mask.
It makes no sense, the water of life is all around me, how do I take the mask off and let the natural current of the ocean fill me like it was meant to?How do I turn my guilt driven giving and loving and sacrificing into heart deep groans for Jesus' kingdom to come?
How do I give and love and sacrifice based on the kingdoms value knowing I wouldn't invest in anything else, because that would be ridiculous.
How do I change the currency of my life so the kingdom is the largest bill?
How do I clothe myself in acceptance bought for me in such a way that I am free to be rejected?
How do I palate God's magnitude and my minuteness?
I know these things, but how much I just want to taste these things and have them expand inside of me so that what I eat becomes who I am.
